The Vampyre Workout

Direct from  a recently recovered manuscript  from Transylvania, here is the SECRET vampyre workout passed throughout the ages. For the first time, learn the keys to becoming strangely powerful, and, possibly, immortal. Start now, before the sun rises again.

Nosferatu's Programme

• Deadlift - prepares the entire body to do just that
• Lunge- helps you attack and reach your prey
• Plank- prepares you for all your time spent "stiff as a board"
• Side lateral raise- strengthens the wings for flight; helps you wear your cape proudly
• 4-way Neck-  makes it ready for sharing
• Bench press- helps you lift the coffin lid off
• Zercher squat- ensures you can pick up and carry your victim
• Hanging leg raise-  helps you hang for a long time
• Seated twist- helps you ward off attacks from all sides
• Seated row- ensures you are strong enough to pull your victims close
• Cardio- gets your heart rate... oh, never mind

More details are available to those worthy of eternal life

The secret numbers and combinations are available for the deserving. Contact me if you wish to learn more.